I’m no nutritionist, but I’m going to out there on a limb and say that 8 Grain Hot Cereal is probably a better breakfast than chocolate cake.

“That depends on your definition of ‘better’,” you might add. Touché, my friend. Nonethless, I write from experience; for a while, I was having chocolate cake for breakfast every morning. I made one as part of an All-Chocolate Anniversary weekend I put together for my fiancé (Friday: artisan chocolates and chocolate-covered sea salt caramels, Saturday: chocolate walking tour, Sunday: chocolate cake). A party-sized cake for just the two of us means we ate it for a little more than a week. I should invest in 4-inch cake pans for occasions like this, and split single-layer recipes between them. It’d be so adorable: multi-layer cakes for two. But then what would I eat for breakfast? I’ll tell you what I’d eat: Bob’s Red Mill 8 Grain Hot Cereal.

If you’re going to eat chocolate cake for breakfast for a week, the only sensible thing you can do is follow that up with a full, two-week multigrain cleanse.

Of course, any yo-yo can follow the directions on the back of a bag of cereal … but what you might not realize is that cooked cereal keeps really well in the fridge. I think it’s actually better refrigerated and microwaved (if “better” is a word you can use in this context). So, with a little forethought, you could have homemade “instant” hot cereal every morning. Here’s how:

Follow the stovetop directions on the package, with the following caveats:

1. It doesn’t need to be covered while cooking.
2. If you stir it “occasionally,” it will stick to the pan and eventually burn. I don’t know … maybe Bob’s “occasions” occur far more frequently that I’d anticipate. I suggest that you cook it coverless (which you should not interpret as “shirtless” … although you certainly could cook it shirtless), stirring it more-or-less constantly, but not vigorously. Stir it in a kind of slow, meditative stupor as you consider that life is naught but grave, inevitable destiny. This kind of thinking is perfectly matched to cooking hot cereal in the wee hours of morning.

3. What I would suggest you do occasionally, is consider the cereal’s texture. Do you like your cereal thin? Runny? Soupy? Hearty? Risotto-y? Stick to your ribs-ish? Thick as mashed potatoes? Well, as it’s cooking, watch its texture as it moves through all these stages. If it goes too far to the dark side, thin it out with water and stir it with a light sabre. Do not fear the water! Add as much water as it takes to get that texture where you want it. Keep doing this all the while the cereal cooks, thinning it out and thickening it up, thinning it out and thickening it up, stirring, stirring, stirring …
4. Oh my God, I think I fell back to sleep while stirring. I’m not sure now if I would rather go back to bed, or have breakfast. Veganism … humph. Bacon would never do this to me.
5. Once the cereal’s cooked, let it cool and then refrigerate it. Next tiime you feel like having breakfast, remove a couple heaping serving spoonsful to a bowl. A minute in the microwave will heat it up sufficiently. Add some fun stuff, like cranberries and coconut chips … and because you’re a foodie, homemade candied ginger … and because you’re a food blogger, black Lindy raisins and dried orange slices. And sugar – oh my God sugar. And a sprinkle of cinnamon. Then top it off with some almond milk.

Notes

1. Notice that Bob asks you to keep the cereal (uncooked, in the package) in the fridge. That’s because grains contain oils that will go rancid over time, especially in warm temperatures. If you live like I do, with central air and floor-to-ceiling windows that you never open except maybe once or twice a year, just to reassure yourself that the world out there actually is real, and it’s not being projected onto the glass as you suspected, this cereal will be fine almost completely neglected in your cupboard for so long that you can’t remember where or when you bought it. If you live a more bohemian lifestyle, opening windows all the time and turning on fans when you need a breeze, this cereal will not last one hot summer in your cupboard.
2. This cereal’s lighter, more delicate, and less filling than oatmeal.

8 Grain Hot Cereal

Full disclosure: I ate a bagel while making this cereal. I love gluten. There. I said it. This content was not written in exchange for anything, nor was it solicited – not by Bob, not by his Red Mill, not by anyone.

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